reasons why ballerinas are the scariest creatures to exist

Posted: Oct 30 2015

Happy Halloween! Although there are many people and places that don’t celebrate Halloween, it’s a tradition here at THE TWIRLINGS HEADQUARTERS (aka Los Angeles, CA) so we decided to add some festivity to your day. What can go wrong with celebration? NOTHING. Instead of the usual Sassy Saturday post, we’re going to be discussing the reasons why everyone should fear ballet dancers.

Note: The below statements are all TRUE BALLET FACTS. (disclaimer: that was sarcasm and i’m kidding) (sorta)

Ballet dancers are insane

If you actually take a moment to THINK about what we, ballet dancers, do for a living… it’s kinda strange. We bend our body in the weirdest positions and balance there. We turn our bodies in a perpetual motion one one leg. We jump, like, really high? And sometimes turn while jumping? Has anyone wondered how weird and SCARY that actually is? Well, now you’re wondering. IT’S WEIRD AND SCARY.

see this step? it’s weird and frightening: BOOOOO-rree // (source) / uliana lopatkina dancing the dying swan

Ballet dancers are ghosts

I guess this only counts if you’re doing Giselle. BUT to be fair, Giselle is one of the biggest ballets ever known and the entire second act consists of ghosts (willies, ghosts, SAME THING) haunting people (who deserve to be haunted, but still) and forcing them to dance to death! In another note, I suppose you could say ballet dancers are ghost because after every class, rehearsal, and show, we’re nearly dead. So, basically, GHOSTS.

 

when your nightmare of dancing to death becomes a reality oh // (source) / photo by s. mathe / paris opera ballet dancing giselle

Ballet dancers are deadly

There’s no denying this one. Murderers have knives and other weapons to help their (horrible) doings, but we can do it with our own bodies. Have you ever stood directly next to someone about to do a pirouette? That could leave a bloody nose, which could lead to a concussion, which could lead to DEATH. (deadly, i’m telling you!) (actually that's happened to me before. except i was the one turning and the other person got injured) Standing too close to someone during grand battements? Broken head, broken face, broken LIFE. How to be socked in the stomach, then ultimately die: stand next to someone while they’re doing fouettes. Clearly the lesson here ISN’T to give dancers their space, but it’s DANCERS ARE DEADLY.

we also have other means of threat: killing people with a snake, when necessary // (source) / marianela nunez dancing the role gamzatti in la bayadere

The next time someone says ballet is “easy” or “childish”… grand battement their face! (don’t forget to pointe your toes while you do it!) (but don’t really hurt them because hurting people is baaaaaaad) (just visualize it; it’ll be satisfying enough) HAPPY HALLOWEEN! XOXO THE TWIRLINGS

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